Episode Title: The Christening
Season 07, Episode 04
Episode 134 of 344
Written by David Assael
Directed by Larry Elikann
Original Airdate: Thursday,
October 17th, 1985
The Plot (Courtesy of TV.Com): Mack decides to
investigate adoptions and asks the governor to send him someone to help him
with the red tape. He sends Jill Bennett. She and Mack flirt and they kiss.
Greg sees Laura with a co-worker and is jealous.
Greg gives Abby a phony report that says the site for the TV station is better
than where Gary wanted it. Ben tells Joshua that his ratings are slipping. Joshua
apologizes to Cathy and asks her to sing on his show again. Val plans the
babies' christening. She asks Mack and Karen to be the godparents. Val decides
to name her daughter Elizabeth (Betsy) after Ben's mother. Lilimae's shoulder
hurts, and so she goes to a few doctors' appointments, but it's nothing
serious. Joshua tells Cathy that Lilimae's dying, so he can't move out. Sheila
Fisher follows Val and the babies around. Harry's worried about her. They go to
Val's and tell her they're moving, but will always love the babies. Val lets
them say goodbye to the twins.
Hello my beautiful readers, it’s
time to discuss The Christening. Does anyone care if I just blow my wad right
away and say, right here in the very first paragraph, that this episode is
brilliant and I loved watching it and it was clearly the best of the first five
eps of this season? Well, I’m saying it,
cuz fuck, this episode was good, which is exactly what I’d expect from the
genius Larry Elikann, who is back in the director’s chair for the first time
since Distant Locations 23 glorious
eps ago. My sphincter is tightening up a
little, though, because a peek at Mr. Elikann’s IMDb page confirms that he’s
only got two more eps to contribute, Until Parted by Death and His Brother’s Keeper, both here in season seven, and then he goes off to make other
things that are probably brilliant and that I probably need to see right
away. I won’t cry just yet about losing
Elikann, but I will cry when we reach His Brother’s Keeper and I have to say goodbye to Elikann,
Sheila-and-Harry-style.
Speaking of Sheila and Harry, we
actually open on Sheila, who is clearly not coping well with the loss of the
babies. Time for an immediate compliment
for KL and all its brilliance; don’t
you guys think any other show would have had Val get her babies back and then
Sheila and Harry would be utterly forgotten and never mentioned again? In fact, didn’t that happen over on Dallas?
During the good seasons of that show (I believe this particular story
occurred at the start of season three), didn’t some lady kidnap John Ross from
the hospital and then the characters, like, tracked her down and took the baby
back? And then wasn’t she never
mentioned again? That’s all I’m
saying. Over on KL, we get to witness the ramifications of Sheila and Harry raising
the babies for several months and then having to return them back to Val, and
we see how difficult that must be for both of them.
But wait, I wanna save all
that for the end because the Sheila and Harry material is clearly the best
stuff in this episode and it provides the best scene of the episode and,
honestly, one of the best scenes of the entire series, so I kinda wanna save
the best for last. Let’s go ahead and
get started by talking about Mack and Jill Bennett (who, for the same of
brevity, I am going to henceforth refer to as simply “J.B.”), who is making her
second appearance right here in this ep.
You might recall that she had a small but amazing scene near the end of
season six with A Price to Pay. She came to Mack’s office, she told him the
governor was interested in him having a seat on the senate or something, she
was sexy, she looked slightly wicked to me, and she left the office. For all intents and purposes, I’m pretty sure
that J.B. was only meant to be a little one ep character and then someone
brilliant working on KL decided to
bring her back for season seven and, well thank God they did, because now we
get to see the amazingness and wonderment of J.B. all throughout seasons seven,
eight, nine, and most of ten.
Truthfully, J.B. peaks for me (at least based on memory) during seasons nine
and ten, so perhaps a new viewer watching through for the first time would
spend seasons seven and eight wondering why I’m so damned excited by this
character, but just wait and see.
Honestly, though, and this is
probably the only criticism I have about this ep (and it’s a small one), I think
J.B.’s stuff this ep moves a bit too fast for my liking. You’ve got 30 eps this season; why rush
it? See, her and Mack seem to have this
instant rapport going on, where they’re sorta flirtatious and they also sorta
act like they don’t like each other at the same time. The thing that happens too fast here is
that they kiss. Interestingly, it’s
initiated by J.B., who gives this big speech to Mack about how he’s a good guy,
he’s got a nice wife, a good reputation in the community, Bob Loblaw, but that
his big problem is that he’s a flirt.
Then she gets up all close to him and says something about how it’s
dangerous to be a flirt and one day he’ll have to act on it, or something, and
then she plants a big wet kiss on him.
Yikes! See what I mean about this
being a little fast? However, I ain’t
complaining too hard, because then the music sorta swells in an uplifting tone
and Mack looks super happy and puts on this fabulous
Hat; God, I wanna have a love affair with The Hat. I wanna meet The Hat in cheap motel rooms and
have a torrid romance with it. I wanna
take The Hat into Abby’s hot tub and pour champagne all over it and lick
it. I fucking love The Hat. It’s hard to
describe The Hat except to say that it looks like something a gentleman might wear
in the 1920s, when all the men always wore hats, and it’s just sorta goofy
looking, but the goofiness is part of its amazing charm.
Now would be a good moment to do
a quick reminder of how much I adore Mack.
Already, those first three Mack-less seasons seem like this distant
memory and I can hardly imagine KL existing
or functioning without the shining brilliance of Mack and the insanely charismatic
charm The Dobsonator brings to the role.
Part of that charm is his often strange sense of fashion, such as this
amazing Hat. Travilla is still the man
behind the scenes handling costumes and wardrobe, so I
wonder if The Hat was his contribution or The Dobsonator’s. Honestly, I wanna think it was The
Dobsonator, that he showed up on set with The Hat and was like, “I’m wearing
The Hat whether you like it or not.” The
beauty of The Hat, and indeed any of Mack’s unique clothing choices (I also
love whenever he rocks a bow tie), is the way that he just owns it; he puts on the goofy thing with such confidence that he
immediately looks cool.
By the way, should we the
audience be upset with Mack for being so pleased with the J.B. kiss? Like I said, happy music swells and his face
really lights up before he puts on The Hat, and then he walks away looking very
pleased with himself. Again, I’m gonna
come at this from the perspective of an unbelievably slutty gay man and say
this doesn’t bother me. I’m sorry to let
the cat out of the bag here, but all men like
getting some sexual attention from other people, whether it be a woman or
another, whatever’s your bag, baby. If I
was in some significant relationship and some male J.B. planted a kiss on me
one day, I’d be happy about it. One
difference though (and I don’t know if this relates to me being a gay person or
it just relates to me being me) is that I would go home and immediately tell my
significant partner about it, “Guess what happened to me today.” Mack doesn’t do that, and I wonder what would
happen if he had. What if he’d gone back
to Karen and been like, “J.B. kissed me today; isn’t that wild?” I wonder if Karen would be upset or if she
would appreciate the honesty and the two could just share a nice laugh over the
situation.
Meanwhile, things are getting
heated over at Val’s house. Joshua is
descending to new depths of awfulness with every ep we watch, and one of the
first scenes of the ep is a rather intense family fight at the house in which
Joshua declares that the babies need to have a christening and be baptized
because, “They were conceived in sin.”
Val’s growing bigger balls this season, I’ve noticed, and I appreciate
it, because she’s really not standing for any of Joshua’s crap at this point. I feel like if he made a comment like that in
mid-season six, Val would look uncomfortable but probably keep her mouth shut;
now she yells at him and reminds him that they’re not his children, that it’s
her business whether they are baptized or not.
Also, fuck Joshua and his “conceived in sin” nonsense; the babies were
conceived by Gary and Val, who are soul mates and meant to be together forever
and the greatest couple in television history, so fuck you, Joshua, and fuck all the religious people who act like you. Of course, Joshua doesn’t know Gary is the father; he still thinks
it’s Ben, but in any case, he’s wrong and he’s stupid.
Now might be a good time to
provide my readers with some insight on where I stand on religion, since I know
I talk a lot of shit about religion whenever Joshua’s stories come up. I’d like to state that I do believe in God,
although I don’t necessarily believe that God is a man or a woman or any sort
of physical thing; I think God is more of a spiritual thing, and my God is not the same angry, finger-wagging dude that all the religions seem to worship. I think all religions are equally stupid, so
I think I can get away with talking shit because, to me, they’re all dumb. I believe in America as a land where people are free to worship anyway they see fit, but it's also a land where we are free and I have the right to say that all the religions are equally stupid. The main thing I hate about all religions is
all the shame involved; I think sex is the most beautiful and life affirming
thing in the entire world, and I hate the way that religions have made people feel
so guilty about their 100% normal and natural sexual urges; we are all sexual beings and it’s the most
essential thing that keeps the world going on.
But I just want to make it clear that if I talk a big game and make fun
of religions, I do consider myself spiritual and I do believe there is a God,
so now you guys all know where I stand on that.
Okay, rant over; let’s move on to more KL.
Joshua really really really does
not want to move out of Val’s house anytime soon, perhaps ever. I’m not entirely clear on why, so maybe you
guys have some opinion; what is it with Joshua’s obsession with staying in the
house? Is it because he gets off on
having the control and he likes being able to hurt and degrade Val? I think that might actually be it; I think he
likes being sorta in the center and able to stir up trouble with everyone
around him, and that wouldn’t be nearly so easy if he wasn’t living under the
same roof. Anyway, Cathy is acting like
a sane, rational person and saying how they need to find their own apartment
and go off and live independently, not turning Val’s house into the fucking
Camden house from 7th Heaven,
but Joshua is so desperate to stay put that he works up a rather wicked plan
this ep. See, throughout the ep we get
references to Lilimae having a hurt arm or shoulder or something. At first, I didn’t know what was going on
here, but it all comes together in the end.
See, she goes to the doctor, she finds out there’s nothing wrong, he
tells her to take aspirin (“And for that he charged me forty dollars!” she says
in her fabulously inimitable Julie Harris way) and that’s it, no big deal. However, Joshua sees an opportunity here, so
at the end of the ep (I’m hopping around, cuz this is actually the very final
scene of the ep), he gets all quiet and serious with Cathy and tells her that
the real reason he wants to stay in the house is because Lilimae is dying. As he says this, Lilimae is mingling and
socializing and having a nice time, looking perfectly happy, so I’m moderately
surprised that Cathy buys this lie so easily, but eh, whatever. This little development is something that’s
clear flown out of my memory; I don’t remember it happening and I don’t
remember where it will lead. Let’s all
stay tuned!
The title of this episode is The Christening so obviously that event
is sorta the central plot point, the nucleus of this 48 minutes. I think I might have mixed up some stuff when
writing about our last ep, because I said that was the ep where Val says they
should name the girl Betsy and asks Ben if they can name the boy Bobby, but I
think that actually occurs here. In any
case, one person who does not support this Bobby idea is Lilimae, who tells
Val, “You can’t name him after a member of Gary’s family, and when he comes
back from the dead in a year, it’s gonna really screw up our continuity from
show to show!” Val tells Lilimae that
she doesn’t give a shit if Bobby is coming back from the dead in a year, that no legitimate television writer would ever write anything that stupid, that
for all intents and purposes, he’s dead right now and she’s gonna name her
little baby boy Bobby.
While all the storylines are
going on, we keep returning to Harry and Sheila Fisher. As soon as we started this ep, I immediately
remembered THE BIG SCENE from it based on the title alone, but I’d forgotten
how the writers do a clever job of misleading us throughout the ep. See, we get a lot of cryptic scenes of Sheila
and Harry together, saying stuff about how they’re gonna leave town, and it’s
done in this tone where it seems to imply they’re gonna snatch the babies
before they run off. Also, Sheila is
getting a little stalky on Val, following her around when she takes the babies
out to the park or what have you. Last
ep, Karen said to Mack about the Fishers, “Their loss is like Val’s,” and that’s
what I think is so interesting about this.
The show could have easily portrayed them as villains, but I feel really
sorry for both of them. They spent
something like half a year loving these babies and raising them and caring for
them, and now they have to give them back.
Turning them into snarling, scary villains would be one way to go on a
series with less subtlety, but KL
keeps it more real, presents them as real people with feelings who are hurting
and suffering a loss like the one Val suffered in season six.
The day of the christening comes
and everyone’s invited. Joshua answers
the door for Laura and we have a brilliant exchange of dialogue that I
immediately wrote down in my notes.
Joshua says something like, “Don’t worry, Laura, you’re always welcome
in my house,” to which Laura replies, in her fantastic Laura way, “Yes, I know
I’m always welcome in Valene’s house.” God, yes, go Laura, you rock, and this
exchange made both My Beloved Grammy and I laugh aloud in joy. Anyway, Sheila and Harry show up (and I might be screwing up the flow of events;
I think this might occur before the
christening, but whatever, who gives a fuck, let’s talk about this scene) and
we think they are probably gonna snatch the babies. See, Harry is talking to Sheila and says how
he’s gonna go up to the house and that Sheila should “wait for the
signal.” Hmmm, “wait for the signal”
usually doesn’t mean anything good in a movie or TV show, so we viewers are
being lead to think something awful’s gonna happen. Instead, we get one of the most powerful and
moving scenes of raw emotion ever presented on KL.
See, since Sheila has been
scaring Val by following her all over town, nobody is too pleased to see Harry
showing up at the door. At first,
Lilimae tells him to go away, but Val lets him come in, and then Harry gives
this fabulous, give-the-guy-from-Murphy-Brown-a-best-guest-actor-in-a-drama-series-Emmy-right-away
speech that started to bring tears to my eyes.
He tells Val how he and Sheila are moving far far away to start a new
life together, figure things out, but they just want to see the babies one last
time and say goodbye to them. His speech
is very moving, and he says how they raised the babies and loved them for six
months or whatever (remember continuity is weird on these shows cuz of summers
not existing in TV land), that Val is going to have the opportunity to see them
grow up and become adults, all that stuff.
God, this is a good speech, and the actor from Murphy Brown does a great job, but it’s nothing compared to the rest of the scene, in which he signals to
Sheila that it’s okay for her to come in.
I’ll see if I can find this scene on YouTube or somewhere (I’ll bet it’s
there cuz it’s so memorable and some good soul has to have put it up) so
everyone can just watch it and not have to depend on me doing a shitty job of
describing it. Basically, it’s just this
very tender and emotional scene, underscored by some really beautiful music,
and Sheila and Harry have these two stuffed animals they give to the babies,
and then they both get to hold them for a minute and kiss them on the head,
then they hand them back and go away to drive off together. Again, it doesn’t sound like much when I
describe it here, but it’s a very moving scene, one of the most emotional in KL history, and it definitely made me cry; I can tell you that. I think it made My Beloved Grammy cry but I
was too captivated by the screen to turn over and look at her. I will say that when the scene was over, she
said, “Well, that was very touching,” and she sounded pretty choked up, so
there you go.
Fuck, this scene is so
emotional. What a gut punch, and what a
brilliant ending to the whole “Val’s babies being taken” story, which I think
we could say officially ends here, with this ep. Yeah yeah, it kinda sorta ended with the
second ep of the season, but this is the last we see of Harry and Sheila and
this scene is really the last little button on the greatest storyline in KL history. I’d like to take another moment to shit on Dallas and add further compelling
evidence to my “KL is better than Dallas” argument by saying that I never
cried in an ep of Dallas (although I
do remember being moved by a really early ep in which Bobby sorta falls in love
with one of the vampire boys from ‘Salem’s Lot but then the boy and his father have to move away and he and Bobby hug;
I liked that one). KL is able to make me cry, and if I’m counting correctly, this is
the second time upon this rewatch that I’ve cried. I surprised myself by not crying when Sid
Fairgate went to Heaven back in Critical Condition, although that was amazingly genius and moving, as well. My first cry (and My Beloved Grammy’s first
cry) was in season six, in the incredible We Gather Together, when Val was sitting in the empty nursery and Gary came in
and spoke to her. Ugh, I don’t know
which scene is more sad, that one or this one; they’re both so amazingly
brilliant (and I just thought of
this, they’re both directed by Elikann!
Maybe he’s the man for the job if you’re doing an ep that you want to be
really hard hitting and emotional). In
any case, they’re both astounding scenes and I can easily point to both of them
and say, “Nothing this good ever happened on Dallas; I rest my case.”
So that was The Christening. Fuck, what
an episode. As I sat down to write about
it, I knew that I loved it, but now I’m realizing how much I loved it in the
greater context of the entire KL story. Like, I think this might be a top ten episode
and maybe even a top five; it’s really up there. I love everything about it, all the stories
for all the charcters, the seeds being planted as well as the stories being
wrapped up, and of course the big kicker is that final goodbye from the Fishers
to the babies, which is just stunning. I
think when all is said and done and I’ve gotten through all 344 eps (I’m
starting to think it might actually happen!), I’ll compile my top ten or top
twenty for the whole series, and I have no doubt this ep will be on it.
Let’s move right along now to an
ep that probably won’t be as good as this Undisputed Masterpiece of Television,
but which should still be really solid, and it’s called A Little Assistance.
Great episode! And I believe they even refer to the Fishers further down the road as well. Even though the Fishers were in relatively few episodes, they left a big imprint on Knots. I am going to go all Pollyanna and hope that the Fishers were able to adopt again legally and lived happily ever after!
ReplyDeleteIf you keep watching, you'll find out what happens to the Fishers.
DeleteI don't remember this, but interested to find out. People always talk about a KL reboot or whatever. If that were ever to happen, wouldn't it be interesting to have The Fishers return to visit with B&B?
DeleteHow did Cathy go from being a street smart scammer when Abby hired her to the most naive dumb blonde that ever lived?
ReplyDeleteI want to just shake her and yell, WISE UP, DUMMY!
Well, actually... she was ALREADY in an abusive relationship with her ex-husband (?) Ray if y'all recall from S5 so her cuddling up to Monster Josh is not all that weird.
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ReplyDeleteGosh, the Fishers' scene really pulled my heartstrings. It just shows how fantastic and nuanced KL really is.
ReplyDeleteI'm watching the Fishers' final scene while on the Stairmaster at my gym and I'm weeping. So happy the writers addressed the fact that these people raised those twins and that their love is valid. "Crazy" Mrs. Fisher was not crazy at all. If I had my babies taken away, I'd react the same way.
ReplyDeleteThe Greg/Laura saga is getting boring. Make up already!
Alec Baldwin is doing a great job as Joshua but I've never understood or bought the character's villainy. He was such a sweet innocent guy when he showed up. And his desire to stay in Val's house defies logic AND character. Wouldn't Joshua be desperate to have his own apartment in order to escape those "screaming" babies? And don't abusive men strive to separate their victims (Kathy) from others in order to wield power over them?
And I agree with your assessment from an earlier post about Jill seeming a little "odd" from the get-go. I can see her crazy a mile away. It'll just take a couple of seasons to get there. lol
Ohhhh, Jill Bennett - LOVE HER, though yes, her character is a slow burn to the greatness ahead.
ReplyDeleteThere was an interesting scene in this ep where Mack and Karen play with B&B in their cribs. Mack says something like, "Do you think I missed out by not being a parent?" Got me thinking... was that on purpose? Doesn't Paige show up by the end of this season?
Actually, Cathy was never a scammer, she was scammed, first by Ray, for whom she served time for a murder HE committed, and to a lesser extent, by Abby, who changed the terms of their agreement more than once. Cathy is rather a fool for love, both with Ray, and with Joshua. But she was no scammer -- her conscience wouldn't even let her continue to lie to Gary. When she started to fall for him, she tried to return Abby's money, and cancel their deal.
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