Episode Title: To Have and to Hold
Season 04, Episode 15
Episode 068 of 344
Written by Michael Petryni
Directed by Ernest Pintoff
Original Airdate: Friday, January
20th, 1983
The Plot (Courtesy of TV.Com): A tabloid prints a chapter of
Val's book. She's very upset because it was a diary of her breakup with Gary.
She and Jeff Munson blame Chip, who feigns innocence. Thornwall tells Chip it is a
tactic to get Val to sign with them so they can promise her that he can prevent
things like this from happening in the future. Gary is furious over the tabloid
and barges into Val's. He and Jeff get in a fight and Mack breaks it up. Val
overhears Chip telling Lilimae that Gary is cheating with Ciji (Chip is
lying). Gary tells Abby they need to talk because they're hurting too many
people. Abby promises to set aside time, but doesn't. Gary considers having a
drink. Everything's going wrong with the details for Mack and Karen's wedding,
so they sneak out of the rehearsal and elope to Las Vegas.
After a very temporary setback
in the relationship of Karen and Mack last week with And Teddy Makes Three, things are back on track for the two this
week as they prepare for their nuptials.
In fact, we open To Have and to
Hold with the two of them preparing their wedding plans. I’m gonna bitch for a few quick moments, but
please understand that I’m not bitching at the show or at the characters,
because of course I love the show and the characters so very much. It’s just that I hate weddings, I hate all
the planning of weddings, I hate going to weddings, I hate the whole
enterprise. I especially hate the way
people act when they are preparing to get married and I just plain despise how
much damn money is wasted on a ceremony that lasts less than one day. However, as we are going to see throughout
the course of this episode, maybe that’s the point? Maybe I’m supposed to be repulsed by all the
wedding planning shenanigans because, at a certain point, Karen and Mack also lose their patience? Read on.
Okay, like I said, we open on
wedding plans. There’s a small detail to
this scene that I liked and wrote in my notes: Diana asks Karen if Abs can come
to the wedding and Karen immediately says no.
In a nice bit of continuity, Diana reminds Karen that, were it not for
Abs, she could very well still be lying in a hospital bed on a dialysis
machine. A solid point, but Karen says
how Val is her matron of honor and it would be too uncomfortable and so no, Abs
isn’t invited. I asked My Beloved Grammy
what she thought of this and she agreed with Karen, saying that Abs has no
place at this wedding. I gotta say I
love Karen’s open dislike for Abs. She
doesn’t even try to hide it, and even though we had that lovely concluding
kiss-on-the-forehead back in Abby’s Choice, that doesn’t mean that Karen and Abs are suddenly best
friends. I know lots of people would be
all timid and be like, “Well, maybe I should invite Abs,” and then spend the
whole time worrying and fretting about it being awkward, but Karen gets right
down to business and says, “Nope, Abs is a whore and she ain’t invited.” Love it.
The plan for the wedding is for
it to take place at Daniel and be a big, epic celebration. Karen is acting silly by spending too
much money and making a big huge deal out of this wedding, despite the fact
that she’s already been married once and, really, doesn’t even need to have a wedding
at all. There’s a lovely little scene
where Richard (who, I must say, has been way too underutilized for my liking
the last few episodes; the fact that he’s going to leave the show at the end of
the season only makes it more painful to see him given such little material at
this juncture) has a little power trip with Abs by announcing that he’ll be
shutting down the restaurant for the wedding.
Abs is all like, “Do you know how much money you’re gonna lose?” Richard is like, “As long as I keep making my
payments on time, you can just shut the fuck up, you whore.” Abs is clearly not popular this week.
Karen is going so extravagant
that she’s even looking into how to get specialty matchbooks made for the
wedding. At this point, My Beloved
Grammy said, “Oh yeah, nobody does that anymore,” and then a second later Mack
said, “Hardly any of our friends smoke anymore,” a nice little detail I
appreciated. This is 1983 and, if my
research is accurate, C. Everett Coop was currently launching his personal war
on tobacco and it had been two years since the “second hand smoke” dangers had
started to be listed on the package.
People are beginning to cease their tobacco consumption, leading us
slowly but surely to the present day, where those who want to smoke are forced
out into the rain to hide behind a dumpster every time they want a quick
cigarette, all while morbidly obese people who do nothing but eat McDonald's and drink sugary coffee drinks all day glare at them and make comments like, "Oh, such a disgusting habit."
All this wedding stuff escalates
pretty fast, maybe even a little too fast
for my liking. See, everyone is gathered
for the big rehearsal dinner (I also hate rehearsal dinners, FYI), and, at some
point, I guess the pressure just gets to be too much for Karen and Mack and, in
a bold move that I appreciate and approve of, they just run out of the ceremony
right before we cut to a commercial. We
return from our commercial and suddenly we’re in Vegas, as is established by a
bunch of stock shots of Vegas hotels, many of which aren’t even there anymore
(The Stardust, for instance). Ah, yes,
even though I know this is probably all recycled Vegas footage used in a hundred
other shows, I still like it because I love Vegas and I really love old
Vegas. I wish I could time travel back
to when Vegas was still this small stretch of glorious excitement in the middle
of a dessert, before it became super duper touristy and, perhaps, a little too
much like Disneyland for my liking.
Anyway, they head into one of
those super trashy Vegas wedding chapels that, if I were ever to make the decision to get married (which I am
fairly positive I would never do), I
would probably use, as well. I like this
style of wedding because it just cuts the fat out of the whole proceeding. The only better choice would be to just go to
city hall and get married real fast with the janitor as a witness. Now, I’m not sure if the show is expressing a
judgment about this type of wedding or not; I can’t figure it out. When Mack and Karen go through the choices of
types of wedding they can have (there’s deluxe and super deluxe and they come
out to about the same thing, except that the super deluxe lists, “Someone to
throw the rice” on the pamphlet), I am not sure if we’re supposed to see this as
a bad, tacky choice on their part, or if it’s just supposed to be funny.
Then two people come walking
into the chapel, a man and a woman. The
woman is a nobody, some actress named June Berry who has appeared in nothing
that I’ve ever seen, but the man is a big deal, at least in my world. He’s played by the absolutely fabulous
character actor Dick Miller, and as my readers know, I'm a big fan of the Dick. If you’re a
fan of Joe Dante movies, as I am (Gremlins
being one of the most cherished films of my childhood), then you’ll
immediately recognize this guy, because I believe he’s been in absolutely every
Joe Dante movie ever made. He even pops
up in episode six of Police Squad! (along
with Sid Fairgate’s duplicitous ex-wife from Civil Wives), an episode that was directed by, you guessed it, Joe Dante. He’s also shown up in a few
Scorsese movies (New York, New York and
After Hours flash immediately to
mind) and he played the gunshop owner that Arnold blows away in The Terminator. The guy’s been in movies since 1955 and his
most recent credit is 2015, so I think it’s safe to say that everyone in the
world has seen him in at least one or two things. In any case, he’s fabulous and I’m glad to
see him here.
Dick Miller’s character is named
Al Spanky and we learn that he and the woman are about to get married for the third time. The whole scene, he chomps on a big cigar and
the characters tell Mack and Karen all about their previous two marriages and
how they worked out or didn’t work out. I
think they are here to seem trashy, to make the idea of eloping to Vegas look a
little more tacky. It still doesn’t work
for me because I still support Mack and Karen’s elopement plans. I couldn’t remember all the
details of this episode and I kinda had a feeling that Mack and Karen might
back out of their Vegas plans and run back to California to have the big,
lavish, overly expensive wedding, but I was pleased to discover that they stick
with it and get married here in Vegas! I’m
eager to move on to the next episode (which will be the start of a new disk for
My Beloved Grammy and I to watch) and see how people react to Mack and Karen
just sorta bailing on the wedding. I
will say that maybe that’s not too
cool of them. They didn’t bother to tell
anyone about it, and Richard went through the trouble of shutting down the
restaurant for them, and then they literally just leave and fly to Vegas. I like the Vegas elopement part, but it would
have been more thoughtful of the two of them to inform others that they had
changed their minds, don’t you agree?
Meanwhile, we finally get some
payoff to Chip stealing those manuscript pages of Val’s a few episodes
back. This week, a tabloid prints a big picture of Val alongside a blaring headline which declares, “Booze and women made
my life hell!” Turns out Val has been
working on a sort of diary regarding her breakup with Gary. Okay, real fast, I’ll admit that this part
confuses me. We’ve been told that Val is
working on her second book, right?
Presumably it would be some sort of follow-up to her current bestseller,
Capricorn Crude. Now she talks about this diary she was
working on and how nobody was ever supposed to see it, so am I to take it that
this was a separate bit of writing she was doing? At some point she mentions how the writing
was a stream of consciousness flow expressing all her nasty, pent up feelings
about Gary and the divorce, and that she was gonna go through and edit it
later. But is this all material for her
next book or is it a separate thing?
Help me out here, readers! In any case, drama ensues as
soon as this headline hits the streets.
In a display of some humanity
from Chip (I think), he goes to confront that Thornwall guy about these pages
being printed. Thornwall explains to him
how this is a tactic so that, when they eventually get Val as their business
client or whatever, they can help protect her from exposure such as this in the
future. I said Chip was showing
humanity, but maybe he’s not, now that I think about it. Maybe he’s really just covering his own butt;
he’s mad at Thornwall not because this tabloid has hurt Val, but because he’s
the one who stole the pages originally and he doesn’t want to be exposed as the
thief, and now he might be.
I have no idea what Chip’s
motivation is in this particular scenario, but he also thinks up a lie
regarding the relationship of Ciji and Gary.
Okay, yes, we the viewers have seen Gary and Ciji spending a lot of time
together, perhaps starting to develop feelings that are more than friendly, yet
they’ve never slept together (despite that bizarre scene from a few eps back
where Ciji started to strip right in front of Gary). My basic point is that the two are not fucking, even though it might seem
like they are to an outside observer (Ciji is too busy fucking Laura,
obviously). Anyway, early in the ep,
Chip tells Lilimae that Ciji and Gary are, indeed, fucking, but why does he do
this? Is he just a complete liar who
can’t go through his day without making shit up about everyone? Or is there some grand plan to this lie? Is he trying to deflect the blame for Ciji’s
pregnancy, perhaps make it seem like Gary knocked her up? Or does he just want to stir up further
trouble in the relationship of Gary and Val?
This little story detail is something I had totally forgotten and I’m
curious to see where it will lead us.
If things aren’t going great for
Val, they’re only going worse for Gary, who has not one, but two humiliating
scenes all packed together into the same episode. The first scene is pretty amazing, actually,
and let me tell you why. Gary’s
conscience is eating at him, so he takes a drive to cul-de-sac to speak with
Kenny. It takes two drives, by the way,
because the first time he goes, Ginger answers the door and fibs to Gary that
Kenny is out of the house even though, in reality, Kenny is sitting in the
living room all sad and unemployed. Upon
second visit, Kenny is home but Ginger is not, so Gary is able to speak to the
“hip” young record producer.
You know, I’m not even gonna
make fun of Kenny in this scene, because not only does he get the most material
he’s ever gotten on the show, but the
anger he displays towards Gary feels real and the acting is pretty good. This scene is brutal, because Kenny just
starts to unload on Gary, listing all the different ways that Gary Ewing
sucks. You all know how much I love my
callbacks to prior events, and this scene’s a doozy, as Kenny starts to list
out all the people who have tried to help Gary and have then been hurt by Gary,
including Sid. He says how Sid took a
chance on Gary and Gary fucked it up, all leading to Sid’s death. Shack’s acting in this scene is really good,
because he just sorta stares blankly at Kenny as he says these things, looking
really shocked, looking really hurt.
Then Kenny goes on about how Val was the perfect wife to Gary and he
went and cheated on her and left her. I
think Gary’s only line in this scene is, “You’re way out of line,” and he says
it weakly, like you can tell the words are really sinking in. Their private fight becomes
public when Gary goes running off to his car and Kenny chases after him and
keeps shouting all sorts of stuff about what a piece of shit he is. Pretty much everyone in Seaview Circle
gathers outside to witness this display, which culminates with Kenny shouting,
“You finally learned how to be a true Ewing!”
Then Gary drives off all hurt and embarrassed but, I think, with Kenny’s
harsh words really registering in his head.
I really loved this scene and My
Beloved Grammy even opined, “This is the first time I’ve ever liked
Kenny.” I agree, and it’s because he’s
actually doing something and is
actually a part of the plot, and his acting in this scene is pretty decent, as
well. Plus, the scene shows that the
writers remember what has come before with the relationship of Gary and Val
and, particularly, the stolen auto parts saga of season two and the death of
Sid. It’s shit like this that I
appreciate. Sid Fairgate has now been
dead for well over a year, and you just know that any other TV show would be
glad to stop mentioning him and sorta pretend the character never existed, but
on KL he is still frequently
mentioned even long after death. Gary
kinda sorta was responsible for Sid’s
death and even though Karen was able to find forgiveness in her heart for Gary
way back in Aftermath, that doesn’t
mean these events are forgotten by all the other characters, including Gary
himself.
I’m tempted to say the second Gary
humiliation scene is even worse, though I’m not sure. Kenny’s words are super harsh and really burn
Gary, but the next scene is really physically
harsh and calls back to that hilarious scene in the opening moments of the
season with A Brand New Day. You all remember when Gary crashed the party
of Val, Rusty, and Cricket, only to get his ass brutally kicked by Rusty before
shamefully creeping out the front door?
Same sort of scene here, because after Gary sees that tabloid headline,
he comes speeding into the cul-de-sac way too fast and immediately marches into
Val’s house, screaming and screaming for her to come down. At first, boring white guy Munson and Lilimae
try to keep him calm and are all like, “Val’s resting, go away,” but then Val
comes down to try and explain.
The whole scene is loud and
chaotic as Val tries to tell Gary that those pages were never supposed to be
seen and Gary looks all hurt and is screaming, “How could you do this to
me?!” Then it starts to escalate into a
fight as Munson tries to get Gary out of the house. Munson gets him somewhat to his car before
the two start to fight, and then Mack shows up to help, sorta holding Gary’s
arms back and pulling him. It’s at this
moment that boring white guy Munson decides to punch Gary in the face, which is
not too cool (and I appreciate that Mack even calls him on it, saying “That was
a cheap shot”). So, now Gary’s been
punched in the face, in full view of pretty much all the neighbors, and has to
slink away in his car and do the drive of shame out of the cul-de-sac. Oh yeah, and one other small detail that I
appreciate is, after Munson punches Gary in the face, Michael points and shouts, “And the
winner is!” This made me laugh and it
made My Beloved Grammy laugh, plus it just felt like a realistic reaction from a
real kid. It doesn’t make Michael a
jerk; he’s still young and all this drama on the cul-de-sac probably still
feels very isolated from his own life.
In reality, a kid probably would make a little joke like that, and not
even necessarily to be mean, but just to kinda be funny.
What Gary really needs is a
serious talk with someone who can help him out, but unfortunately Abs is not
that someone. At this point (and this is
just my own bullshit theory, so take it or leave it), I feel like Abs wants to
create this isolated universe where only she and Gary belong. She wants The Beach House to be their own
little oasis of privacy in which they live forever together, and that’s why she
wants to get rid of all the other outside influences affecting Gary. After all, what was Kenny really doing that was so awful Abs had
to make sure and sever ties with him? I
can’t really think of anything, except that Abs wants to have all the power
over Gary. Whenever Gary tries to speak
to her about what’s on his mind, about how he feels badly for what they’ve
done, she either ignores him completely or spins some elaborate web of lies about
how Kenny is an enemy.
Since A Brand New Day, My Beloved Grammy has been declaring that it’s
only a matter of time before Gary starts hitting the bottle again, and she’s
obviously a sharp lady, because that’s exactly where this episode takes us and
then leaves us. It’s early morning and
Gary wants to hang out and talk to Abs, but she is rushing out the door. I can’t remember what excuse she uses for why
she has to make like a library and book, but in any case, off she goes, leaving
Gary all alone at The Beach House with a fully stocked bar. You all remember over on Dallas when Sue Ellen very briefly became independent from J.R. and
moved into her cute little condo?
Remember how despite being a raging alcoholic, Sue Ellen still kept a fully stocked bar in that
condo and would spend many episodes leering at the bar, foaming at the mouth
like Cujo? Well, it’s sorta the same
situation here, because now Gary’s all alone and those big, sexy decanters full
of liquor are calling his name. “Come
on, Gary,” they say to him, “Put me in your mouth; it’s been too long.”
Indeed it has. The last time we saw Gary take a drink was
the two part Bottom of the Bottle episodes
that concluded season one, and that was March 27th, 1980, nearly
three years ago. We all saw how quickly
his life unraveled back then and we all know how seriously shitty things are
gonna get if he falls off the wagon now, with nobody to help him and support
him, no Val to be the doting wife by his side.
To Have and to Hold concludes
with a quiet scene of Gary all alone at The Beach House, holding a glass full
of liquor (I believe it’s his beloved bourbon) and gazing out at the sun
set. The camera moves away from him,
almost as if this display is to shameful for us to even focus on (making me think of Travis Bickle on the phone in Taxi Driver) focuses in on the ocean, and then boom, we get “Executive Producers: Michael Filerman and David Jacobs,” and that’s the end of the episode. We shall have to wait until next week to see
what happens and I, personally, can’t wait (I’m already making frantic calls to
My Beloved Grammy begging for another disk of episodes).
A note on Gary as we watch him
plummeting downhill right before our eyes.
For whatever reason, I continue to always think of Gary as he is in the
latter half of the series. Even though,
right in front of me, Gary is destroying his life and ruining lives around him
(with, of course, plenty of help from Abs), I never think of him as a bad guy;
it never even comes into my brain.
Instead, I think of him as a dude having a hard time, a dude who has
been pretty weak since Pilot and is
still weak now. I’m not sure exactly how
long it will take before he finally starts to toughen up and take
accountability for his life and his actions, but it’s not here yet. I note this because, at this
juncture, My Beloved Grammy is absolutely not
a Gary Ewing fan. She says he’s
whiny and a baby and she often says, “I agree with J.R. about Gary.” I’m curious to see if/when she starts to come
around on Gary, and I predict it won’t be for awhile because we are really
about to see him at his lowest point.
That about does it for To Have and to Hold. Interestingly, as with our last episode (And Teddy Makes Three), I think the
“main” storyline of this episode, or at least the storyline that inspired the
title, is probably my least favorite aspect of the ep. I love Mack and I love Karen, as you of
course know, and I have no real problem with their story, but it was the least
engaging portion of the show this week, at least in my eyes. I’m glad to see them get married so we can be
done with, “Will Mack and Karen break up?” stories, at least for the time
being. I think what bugged me a bit
about their story was that it felt kinda clunky, like one second they’re at
Daniel, planning a big wedding, and a second later, they’re in Vegas, eloping. However, all other aspects of To Have and to Hold are spot on and
super compelling. I never thought the
day would come that I could possibly call Kenny material “compelling,” but here
it is; the scene of Kenny screaming at Gary and telling him what a piece of
crap he is marks the greatest Kenny scene in the entire series. He’s finally given some material to work with
and he insults the shit out of Gary and really hits him where he lives, in a
way that, I predict, shall have ramifications well into the future. Meanwhile, the Val stuff is good, the Chip stuff
is good, Gary’s further descent and return to the bottle is super good, the
whole thing is good. As we watch, I like
to pretend we are watching in real time, that I am a viewer in 1983, and if I
was, you can bet your ass I’d be back next week, eager to see what happens
next.
I think we’re all eager to see what happens next, so
without further adieu, let’s move forward to A New Family.