Episode Title: Step One
Season 02, Episode 06
Episode 019 of 344
Written by Loraine Despres
Directed by Kim Friedman
Original Airdate: Thursday,
January 1st, 1981
The Plot (Courtesy of TV.Com):. Diana is having difficulty with her new boyfriend as she feels a
pressure to sleep with him. Karen, Diana, Val and Ginger are performing in an
ERA benefit. Val asks Gary to help, but he's too preoccupied helping Earl Trent. Diana needs Karen's support but
she is too busy rehearsing. In frustration, Diana pulls out of the ERA.
Meanwhile with Laura preoccupied with work, Richard spends his time with Abby
and they end up in the hot tub. Karen and Diana make up and sing, "Put on
a Happy Face."
As I sit down and prepare to
write my thoughts about this episode of KL,
entitled Step One, I thought I might
take a moment or two to explain the context of how I am watching the
series. For instance, if you, the reader,
were under the impression that I watch one episode and then immediately go to
write about the episode in question, that is not accurate. Rather, My Beloved Grammy and I try to get
together about once a week and we just power through a solid disk. Now, with season one, it was a smidge easier
because there were three episodes per disk, but with season two (which, as of
this writing, is sadly the last season of the series available on DVD; for the
rest of the series I resorted to bootlegs), there are five episodes per
disk. So, just so you understand what we
watched in our last viewing, we watched the entire disk two of the second
season (which comprises Step One through
Choices) and we also squeezed in A
Brief Dallas Interlude by watching End of the Road: Part Two (this was
viewed in complete chronological accuracy; as we put this episode in-between the
KL eps A Family Matter and Choices). So, basically, we watched six episodes of
television in the most recent viewing.
Now, I only tell you this to
explain the exact hows and whys of the KL
viewing, and to remind you that if I seem to gloss over some details or forget
little things, well, it’s because we watched a whole disk of episodes and, as I
sit here and try to think about the first
episode we watched, it’s sometimes a little hard to remember, so please
forgive anything I forget to talk about or dissect. Of course, nobody else on the internet is
bothering to write about this wonderful show in excruciating detail from start to finish, so I guess you’re stuck with me,
huh?
Actually, the way we view the
episodes is, for me, very helpful, because we watch enough that I’m able to
notice the flow of the stories and the way the plot advances, but we don’t
watch too much that all the eps just
become a big blur in my mind, you know?
I make it a rule to never watch more that one disk per visit, because I
know if I did that, I would most certainly not
remember all the little details that make each show special.
Anyway, if you’ll recall, our
previous episode, Kristin, was most
assuredly not one of my favorites of
the series (I believe I even declared it the worst episode up to that point,
did I not?), so I was hoping Step One would
be a, shall we say, step up from our
last episode. Was it?
Well, kinda, but not a big step up, if you know what I’m saying.
Maybe I’ll just say right now
that whenever an episode focuses really heavily on Diana, I tend to lose
interest. Now, there is one glorious
exception to this rule, and it comes in the form of a certain fantastic
character named Chip Roberts who will figure prominently into seasons four and five
of the series, but he’s a ways away at this point, and certainly in the first
three seasons, anytime Diana is the center of attention, I just don’t really
care. Therefore, you’ll understand that
I groaned a little bit inside as we started this episode and I realized how
Diana-centric it would be.
We start with Diana and her
friends hanging out and exchanging gossip about, what else, sex. Looks like one of Diana’s friends finally
lost her virginity the night before or something (I honestly wasn’t paying that
much attention at this point, as me and My Beloved Grammy were kinda chatting a bit and
talking about her recent trip to the doctor and stuff like that). I note with interest the STAR STUDDED guest
cast surrounding Diana as we start this episode. For instance, is that not a very young Helen Hunt? Why, it is, and she is playing
Brenda. Wait a minute, Brenda? I’m gonna point out a flaw here, as we have
previously seen Helen Hunt in the episode Hitchhike: Part Two, and in that episode,
her name was Betsy! Looks like the
writers lost their notes at some point, because now she’s Brenda. Of course, I don’t think they ever actually say her name in either episode; it’s
just listed in the end credits that only psycho nerds like me actually sit and
watch the entire way through, so it’s not really all that important. Oh yeah, and less of a big star but still
someone I recognized, we also have Wendie Jo Sperber playing one of Diana’s
friends. I know my dad really liked this
actress and thought she was very funny, but honestly the only thing I recognize
her from is playing Marty McFly’s sister in the first and third Back to the Future movies.
Diana is dating some guy and
they are allegedly “in love.” This
strikes me as rather strange considering this is the first time we’ve seen this
guy (and, I think, also the last time; yup, a quick glance at IMDb confirms
that we will never be seeing this actor or this character again). But anyway, even though this character has
only been invented for the purposes of this particular episode, Diana is very
much in love with him and is considering losing her virginity to him,
immediately setting the tone for what this ep will be about.
However, even though the ep is
clearly gonna be all about Diana, that doesn’t mean we aren’t getting some good
stuff from the rest of the cast, as well.
Indeed, the second scene of the episode is one that, to me, is iconic,
and that is Karen, Abby, and Val all working out together on the floor of
Karen’s living room (is it Karen’s living room?
I apologize, dear reader, as it may have actually been Abby’s living
room). This scene starts with a closeup
of Abby’s face and she just looks so positively unenthused about having to work
out, which has always amused me, and then we zoom out to reveal the three women
all doing their exercises together. I
don’t know why I find this scene so iconic, perhaps simply because it’s put
into the opening credits sequence starting next season, perhaps simply because
all three women look good and the scene is funny and has energy. It also goes a long way towards adding to
that homey neighborhood atmosphere of the show; that these three women who are
neighbors and spend a lot of time together are just teaming up to do their
exercises; the scene makes me feel warm and comfortable and among friends.
Now, if Diana and her virginity
are the A story this week, I would say the B story is definitely Abs and
Richard. Their affair is heating up
nicely and this is the episode where we officially see them consummate their
physical relationship. Now, we know
Richard is no stranger to a bit of adultery as he slept with Sid’s ex-wife back
in Civil Wives, but for the last five
episodes, it’s been a lot of very
delicious flirtation between him and Abs.
My God, the list is endless; we had Abs inviting him over for a swim and
his classic response of “Do I need my trunks?”
In addition, we had them doing some sexy gardening in Kristin and we also saw them enjoying
dinner and wine together in Chance of a Lifetime, when Abs very subtly went on about how her first husband couldn’t
sexually please her. Now, as we reach Step One, we are actually in for a big
treat: a scene between Richard and Abby that I’ve always thought was one of the
most classic KL scenes of the entire
run, but we’ll discuss that when we discuss that.
Oh yeah, and one last thing
before I return to Diana and her boyfriend: There are some very interesting
little dropped hints that establish future storylines. For one thing, even though Gary and Val are
barely in this episode, we do see a quick scene of him receiving a phone call
at night from that drunken Earl (you’ll recall that we met him and his lesbian-looking
wife in Remember the Good Times) and
having to go out and rescue him from whatever drunken situation he’s gotten
into. It’s just one quick scene here but
it’s going to accelerate to propel storylines for quite a few episodes into the
future (beginning with our next one, Breach of Faith) and I like that.
Also, and perhaps more
interestingly, we have some major hints that something is not right with
Michael. Now, in a few episodes (Scapegoats, to be precise), we are going
to find out that Michael has A.D.H.D. In
my memory, I thought that storyline came completely out of nowhere for the
purposes of that episode, but actually they start dropping little hints leading
up to it pretty early in the second season.
We’ve already seen him spill some milk and make a complete mess out of
it, plus we’ve seen him fighting and being difficult at school. In this episode, he is continuing to act a
tad askew, prompting Karen to say, “I don’t know what’s wrong with
Michael.” Well, we won’t find out what’s
wrong with him this week, but we will very soon, and I appreciate the writers
for clearly having that storyline planned out well in advance and giving us
some clues that it’s developing without being too obvious about it.
Okay, so back to Diana
(snore). The boyfriend (his name is
Bobby and he is played by Dan Shor, pictured below) tells her how his parents
are going out of town and he has the house to himself; would she like to come
over? Diana agrees and her buddies drop
her off at the house. There’s a nice little scene where her friends
are like, “Diana, you don’t have to do this,” and Diana just has this sad face. I kinda liked that, and then she goes to the
door and disappears inside the house and we go to a commercial; I guess if I
was a viewer in 1981 (the very first day
of 1981, no less), I would be curious enough to wait out the commercial and see
what happens when Diana gets into that house.
What ends up happening is a
mystery for awhile; we the audience are not privy to whether Diana sleeps with
Bobby or not. Now, even though I don’t
particularly care about these characters or this storyline, I’ll pay a quick
compliment to this scene by saying that I really enjoyed the acoustic guitar
soundtrack that’s going on in the background.
I note that Jerrold Immel is credited with doing the score for this ep,
so good on him; I always enjoy when he pulls out the guitar. It’s a quiet scene and both actors play it
fairly well, I suppose, but what really struck me was the fabulous guitar.
The next time we see Diana, she
is being dropped off by Bobby and seems very upset about something. Did they or didn’t they? That’s our Mystery of the Week! Now personally, I never thought they did it,
but it sure does take awhile to find out for sure, because for the rest of the
episode, Diana pretty much hangs out at the beach and feels sorry for
herself. This again reminded me of just
how often the characters go to the beach in the first three seasons or so; it
really does start to feel like every episode has heavy beach content, and I’ll
be curious to see when/if this starts to fade away. But anyway, at the beach Diana makes a new
friend, some dude named Roger who is played by John Dukakis (and I actually did recognize this actor as he was in Jaws 2).
He offers her some beer, which she gladly accepts, and the next time we
cut back to her, she’s good and drunken.
Roger is telling her about how
he just moved out to California and, just like Val back in the first episode,
he’s never seen the ocean before. They
chat for awhile but things turn a bit strange when he invites Diana to come and
hang out in his hippie van. At first she
accepts, but for whatever reason, when she sees the van, she sorta flips and
goes running off. I think it has
something to do with the fact that he’s got a bed set up in the back of his
van, and perhaps Diana assumes he’s gonna try to get busy with her, and she
just ain’t in the mood, so off she goes.
She drunkenly drives home (and, since we are still in an era where
nobody really cares about drinking and driving, Karen only scolds her for being
drunk and says nothing about her operating the motor vehicle) and then goes
running off to her room like a little whiny brat.
Oh yeah, how could I forget
about this part? Throughout the whole
episode, there’s this lingering talent show coming up, and Karen is working
really hard to get her little song-and-dance routine with Diana perfected. I found myself asking just how many talent
shows this damn high school has per year, as we already saw that crazy KISS looking show in Hitchhike: Part One, and that was only a
few episodes ago. Is the talent show
like a weekly thing at Knots Landing High School? Oh well, why harp on it? For the purposes of
this episode, there’s another talent show, and it really doesn’t matter that
they just had one five minutes ago.
Now, the episode is plugging
along, and it’s not really doing too much for me. While it’s a clear improvement over Kristin, it’s still ranking pretty low
in my list of episodes viewed so far, except for one stellar sequence that is plopped right into the middle of the show
like this wonderful little diamond in the rough. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am referring to
Abby and Richard in the hot tub. See,
it’s the middle of the day, Richard is out of work and does not appear to be
looking hard for a new job, and Abby is home all day and more than willing to
service him. We begin this classic scene
with Abs grabbing some champagne for the two of them and making her way over to
the hot tub. Even the very shot of Abs
in her bathing suit proudly holding that bottle of champagne up over her head
is, for me, a very memorable image, and another one that they put into the
opening title sequence next season.
After she plops into the hot tub
with Richard, things get decidedly steamier, but also goofier at the same
time. You know that trope you see in
many an erotic movie where people pour champagne and/or other liquors all over
each other rather than simply drinking the alcohol? We’ve got that here, as for some reason
Richard just starts to pour the champagne into the hot tub. This to me seems very wasteful, but then he
starts to massage Abby’s back and, yes, pour some champagne down her neck and
lick it back off. I gotta say this is
all fabulously risqué, even for nighttime TV.
In particular, when Richard licks her neck, Abby lets out this almost
orgasmic shudder that seems quite daring for TV in 1981, in my opinion. While it’s obviously goofy that they waste so
much champagne, that’s also part of the fun and magic of the sequence, which
has always stuck with me as one of the most iconic in KL history. Even if I
absolutely hated everything else about this episode, I would still declare this
a classic scene that everyone needs to see.
The culmination of the episode
involves Karen and Diana at the talent show.
Their act is coming up next, but it’s at this particular moment that Diana
chooses to speak with her mother about what happened the other night. She cuts right to the quick, saying, “The
other night I went to Bobby’s house and his parents weren’t home.” We get some fantastic acting from Michele Lee
here, as she sorta takes in that information and chews it over for a second or
two, and then she just goes, “Oh,” and then says perhaps they should talk about
this after the show (I actually agree with her, FYI), but then Diana gets mad
and is like, yelling and stuff. In any
case, this is the scene where we find out that no sex occurred, rather she and
Bobby tried to have sex and it just
didn’t quite work out. “Oh Mother, it
was awful!” she declares in her typically over-the-top acting style, adding
that neither of them knew what they were doing.
Karen gives her some big speech and it is A Touching Moment, I suppose,
although I didn’t feel particularly touched.
Anyway, that little
mother/daughter chat is actually the penultimate scene of the episode. The very
last scene is, how should I say this, a bit odd. Honestly, this entire last scene has always
haunted me as one of the worst KL episode
endings in the series run, a truly unsettling and very not cute song-and-dance number between Karen and Diana. I wonder if this whole sequence was simply
included to show off Michele’s pipes; I know she is a professional singer and
even has a few albums on vinyl from way back when (I’ll keep my eyes open for
them the next time I hit Silver Platters), so perhaps she just wanted an
opportunity to sing in an episode. Well,
singing is one thing, and I actually have no problems with listening to her
sing (Put on a Happy Face is the
song, by the way). My problem is with the fucking creepy makeup that both Karen and Diana wear. They are in full white face, like they are
mimes or something, but with these super spooky black dots on either side of
their cheeks and these Joker-looking lipstick faces; I honestly can’t describe
how creepy the whole thing is.
And it’s not just the look that’s creepy; it’s the whole
production, the dancing especially, which strikes me as a tad too sexy for a
mother/daughter pairing. I also forgot
to mention that their outfits are basically nothing; it looks like they are
both dancing around in their underwear.
Honestly, there’s really no way to properly describe the total
creepiness of this production number aside from just watching it; perhaps I’ll
see if I can get a clip of it pulled up for all of your viewing, erm,
pleasure?
Yeah, I hate this ending, and
speaking of things that end up in the opening title sequence, for whatever
reason the super creepy freeze-frame ending of this episode makes it into the
classic scrolling squares opening starting next season. Why?
This is a scene I want buried; I don’t ever want to be reminded of it,
yet I’m gonna be looking at it constantly during the third season every time I
see that opening title scene. Yuck! So, right here and right now, barring some
unforeseen event in the future, I am declaring this WORST ENDING TO A KL EPISODE EVER! That’s right, folks, you heard it here; I
don’t think we ever get a worse last five minutes to a show; this one is the
bottom of the barrel, really the pits.
But what about the episode
overall? Honestly, this is such a huge
improvement over Kristin that I’m
kinda giving it more of a break than it deserves. The main storyline did almost nothing for me,
as it focused to heavily on Diana and, what with the subject of virginity and
teenaged sex and all that, struck me as rather After School Special or maybe a less awful version of 7th Heaven. Now, this is the main storyline that takes up
most of the episode’s time, and I had almost zero interest in it, which is
pretty bad. At the same time, I wasn’t enraged by the plot; it wasn’t complete
insane and stupid like Land of the Free;
it just didn’t really grab me and engage my interest.
I’ll forgive that though for a
few reasons, one of which is that so many seeds have been planted and are
growing along nicely. We are seeing
hints of a rift forming between Gary and Val, which will pay off in the coming
episodes and seasons, plus the hints at Michael’s A.D.H.D. and some generally
uninteresting stuff involving Kenny and Ginger’s marital woes. In addition, I just can’t not recommend an episode that has Abs
and Richard in the hot tub; that’s just such a wonderful scene of soapy
deliciousness that, for me, exemplifies KL
at its trashy best. There was
definitely no scene nearly that good in Kristin,
and even though it’s a quick scene, it’s one of those that just burns into the
memory. Overall, however, despite that
one amazing and sexy scene, the episode is fine
and that’s it. I’m pleased to
announce that I don’t think we have to see another big Diana episode for quite
awhile, and I know the upcoming four episodes will all be terrific, so we’ve
got that going for us, which is nice.
Coming up next is one of my
personal favorite episodes, one that greatly expands on all the storylines that
we’ve got kicking into high gear at this point in the season. Next up, we have pretty much everyone committing a lot of adultery in
Breach of Faith.
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